Currently Obsessed....

It's safe to say that every member of our little family is currently in the midst of a major obsession.

It all started earlier this week when the five-year-old asked me to turn up Radio Disney because his favorite song was on: Replay by Zendaya. Turns out the kid has good taste, I was soon hooked on the song too. Later that night, he asked me to find the video on Vevo. Surprisingly the video is awesome--thanks to the choreography. 

It was so good that I turned to Google to find out who the choreographer is.

Ian Eastwood. 

 A 20-year-old choreographer from Chicago who was a rising star on season 7 of MTV's America' s Best Dance Crew..among other things. 

And then we stumbled upon his YouTube channel & the video below (click this link if the video doesn't show up.)

The video pretty much speaks for itself. All things Ian Eastwood are in constant rotation in this household. I love that he's young and living out his dreams. Anyway, watch and thank me later...

For the Days When You Need A Do Over...

Ever wish you could push ctrl + alt + del on your life?

This week started off with one of those mornings where I wish I could have a do-over.

I yelled at the boys. 

We were running late. 

Then we get to the 5 year old's doctor appointment and they forgot about us. 

By the time I'd dropped kid #3 off, I felt like a disheveled mess and the only thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  On my way out of the nursery after dropping the baby off, I ran into a co-worker who wanted to chat. 

*Sigh* 

I plastered on a smile. 

 "You look great. I love those colors on you," she beamed.

I looked down at myself and realized I hadn't even looked in the full-length mirror before leaving. But I guess I'd managed to pull together something worthy of a compliment. 

We caught up for a few moments as she asked about the kids. As we parted, she said, "You always have it together."

That's when I almost wept. 

I wanted to scream, "No, I don't have it all together." 

Instead, I just politely smiled and told her I don't, but I appreciated her comment. 

"No," she insisted. "You really do always have it all together." 

She didn't know the havoc that went on that morning.

That the house was a mess. 

Laundry was left in piles to be folded. 

I yelled at the boys. 

Dirty dishes were piled in the sink. 

I had no idea what was for dinner that night. 

I'd picked out the outfit I had on from a pile of clean clothes at the foot of my bed that I didn't get a chance to hang up.

And the list goes on and on... 

At the moment, I felt like a failure because I knew that what she said about me didn't match up with my reality.

As I made my way to the office, I whispered to myself and maybe more so to God, "I'm so grateful that I don't look like what I've been through."

That's grace. 

Going through the fire and not smelling like smoke. 

Going through the water and coming out dry. 

The last few years have been hard. Some heartbreaking. One day I will share my whole story. I'm a private person by nature so sharing my every day trials is not something that comes naturally. But I'm just so thankful that the hard years haven't broken me and made me look worse for the wear. 

There are many like that...who wear what they've been through on their faces. It sits on their shoulders like an ill-fitting winter coat two tims too big.

Thank God that He takes our burdens and carries them for us. 

"Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV)

The Simple Secret To Changing Your Perspective

“I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how he could look up into the heavens and say there is no God.”  ~ Abraham Lincoln

Lately I've developed an ugly habit: looking down all the time. I mean literally looking down when I walk. Half the battle is having noticed it, now I"m working on stopping it. 

It didn't used to always be this way. 

My childhood including lots of time gazing upward. Summers as a child equalled lots of outside time. Riding bikes. Exploring the city. Getting wet in the sprinklers and lying on the grass looking up at the sky. Watching birds take flight. Planes in the distance and pointing out shapes in formless clouds. The sky used to be my friend. The place where dreams where born and where daydreams lived.

The other day I got stuck in LA traffic. An accident slowed down my normally free-flowing commute. While trying to remain patient I just happened to catch a glimpse up at the blue Southern California sky. Oh what a sight to behold. Immediately something happened. My heart got a little light. The tension eased up. My perspective change by simply looking up. Then I realized I haven't done that in ages: look up. It was refreshing.

A summery Southern California sky.

Most of my time is spent looking around me at my circumstances, at what is in front of me, at what is troubliing me.  Evangelist Billy Graham once said:  “Believers, look up -- take courage. The angels are nearer than you think.” I'm sure the angels circle me and wonder why in the world I waste my time looking down when my perspective could so easily change just by looking up.

Jesus healed a blind man in Mark 8:  "Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly." (Mark 8:25) The man had been touched once but his vision was blurry. After being urged to look up, not only did his vision come back but "he was restored" and saw clearly.

Praise break right there! 

Looking up clears up our vision and restores our whole being.

Let that sink in. It's so easy to get bogged down by looking at what's going on around us, but even easier to simply look up. 

So I'm dedicating myself to looking up. Hard work for a neck that's has a natural bent toward the ground. And I'm encouraging my soul, my prayers..my whole being to look up as well.

"My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look  up." Psalm 5:3

Surpises Sometimes Come In Bundles of Pink

Life takes us by surprise and orders us to move toward the unknown -even when we don't want to and when we think we don't need to.”

― Paulo Coelho

I like to call this little pink bundle the child of our “Abraham and Sarah” years.  I was not expecting to be pregnant again. Definitely not at my age even though I had a handful of friends who had just had babies.

I have to admit, at first I was angry. Scared. Nervous. Sure, I’d already had two boys and was stepmom to a teenage daughter, but a baby? And I was sure it was another boy. I wasn’t sure I had enough energy or strength to deal with another one of them. Plus, I'd hit a groove with parenthood and a baby would upset all that.

Then the news came (after two ultrasounds) that there was a baby girl on the way….and my heart softened…and I got excited. And what was a surprise turned into a gift that came right on time.

With her, I feel like the parent I wish I would have been the first time around. I don’t feel swayed by what other people think I should do and I had no problem telling the doctors and nurses what I wanted when I went into labor.

During my first pregnancy, I reluctantly had an epidural only to be so numb I couldn’t even feel myself pushing.  (My 2nd came so fast there was no time to be admitted into the hospital, much less get any drugs). This time around, I refused an epidural. While the pain was intense, I felt much more in control and feel that things went much faster.

This little baby girl confirmed that I can trust my gut even when others are questioning it.

Our pink-bundled surprise has softened hearts, brought joy we never knew was missing and turned the boys from two wrestling maniacs into protective, caring, sensitive big brothers.

The thing about life’s surprises it that it forces you out of cruise control and makes you start driving. They can drive you to your knees or cause you to confront yourself as you never have before. 

Life's little surprises can unfold a new journey that we didn't know was possible.  

I’m loving the mother and person that this little baby is growing in me.