How Transparent Should Our Social Media Lives Be? Oversharing in the Name of Vulnerability

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privatemuch

A while back I had to unfollow someone on social media because of too much transparency.

I'm all for sharing parts of your life on social media, but there is a line that can be crossed. There's a time and a place for sharing the details of the demise your marriage, or complications getting pregnant or losing or child or the sin you've dealt with. Dumping it all on social media just to dump in the name of vulnerability or transparency is just too much.

If you are going to fully bare details of your life on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or via blog, it should be to help someone who is struggling in the same area and to show them how God brought you through.

Second Corinthians 4:3-5 (MSG) says: All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

We are comforted to comfort someone else...and that very well may include sharing how we endured adultery in marriage or drug abuse in our 20s. These days, it seems the sharing is to boost readership and keep readers staring and unable to turn away like when they see a train wreck.

Some people feel they owe their readers something. The truth is, when we share part of our lives on social media, we don't owe readers an inside track into our personal lives. Sometimes it 's just too much...especially if what is being shared is present tense and there are other parties involved who may be negatively affected.

"One man's transparency is another's humiliation." -Gerry Adams

If we are going to lay our lives out like an open book, it should be done with a purpose: To help others along in life to get to the other side of a trial or difficult situation and it should ultimately point people to Christ. I'm all for sharing that is relevant and purposeful.

In Christian circles, where we pride ourselves on sanctification and purity, some bare their lives on all levels with reckless abandon. What is it about social media that makes its users lose all sense of boundaries with sharing? Sometimes reading what people share makes me want to cover my eyes because I just feel like I've seen and heard too much about people who I don't even know.

There are times when vulnerability is warranted: with our spouses, and those we love and care for deeply who have earned our trust and respect.

What do you think? Do you sense a spirit of over-sharing on social media? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

 

 

how my mornings got a make-over

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morning pages

I am not a morning person. At all.

I'm a classic night owl. I come alive in the  night life. That's when I have energy and my creativity surges.

But with kids, I have to be a morning person. I rise before them so that I'll be awake and somewhat ready as they start their day. This makes for a very early morning for me. I struggle with pushing snooze....multiple times, reading the Bible while I'm still groggy and finding words to pray when I'm not yet ready for the world.

Recently, I chanced upon this interview with Steffany Gretzinger, a worship singer and songwriter. In it, she talked about overcoming creative block, self doubt and her morning success habit: Morning Pages. I was so intrigued that I Googled it. I thought maybe it would help me since I'm a writer by trade and have to consistently be creative at work. I felt like I'd hit a bit of a roadblock.

Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning made famous by Julia Cameron in her book The Artist's Way. I tried it and am shocked at how it's transformed my mornings.

I keep a journal and pen on my nightstand. First thing I do when I wake up at 5:30 a.m. and am still in bed is start writing whatever crosses my mind: prayers, dreams, random thoughts, complaints, laments. This brain dump clears my mind and I actually feel ready to start my day when I hop out of the bed. I've even noticed how the process of writing gently wakes me up. It's crazy how something so simple has changed my  mornings from a bit of a dread to manageable. I take about 15 minutes to write out 2-3 pages. After that, I read one (and only one) verse of scripture very, very slowly instead of trying to digest a long stretch of a Bible passage. Then, I turn on worship music until it's time to wake the kids up. Such an easy start to the morning, rather than jolting out of bed because I've pushed snooze too many times.

Here are some of the benefits that I've found to writing Morning Pages:

  • I'm less anxious. With all the crazy, hectic first-thing-in-the-morning thoughts on papers, my mind is free from all that was swimming in my head.
  • I listen better. I didn't realize how my jumbled mind was blocking out God's gentle early morning whispers. Revelation has come from emptying my heart and mind on paper. I've also been more patient with the kids in the mornings and their non-stop conversations with me.
  • Creativity is free to flow. Got a few good ideas that popped up. I guess I'd stopped them up with all the random thoughts that were crammed in my head.

I have yet to read over the pages I've written. Maybe a few more days or weeks down the road I'll be ready. But for now I'm just content with writing out my early Morning Pages.

What do your mornings look like?

 

Why Moms (and Other Regular People) Need Standing Ovations

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ovation.jpg

I've made it to Friday! I'm celebrating this fact because it's been a hard and downright tiring week. With all that I've done this week, I deserve a standing ovation. Of course, I don't do what I do for accolades, but I was thinking this morning that just one accolade would be nice. 

Celebrities are used to applause. I'm sure B.eyonce and other performers are accustomed to the roar and whistles of adoring crowds. While, well-deserved, us regular folk need to hear the deafening applause of a standing ovation.

This week alone, I've juggled bad attitude, tantrums, dinner, packing lunch, combing, brushing and braiding the thick hair of my daughter, coordinating wardrobes, overseeing laundry and housecleaning, braved Los Angeles traffic, managed a budget at home and work. I've refereed a number of sibling fights (as early at 7:00 a.m.) and made sure that snacks were packed for hungry little kids who arrive in the car starving after school pick-up. All of this is only the tip of the iceberg.

I think of my husband, who works a full-time job and then heads to the kickboxing gym he owns where he teaches classes whether he's tired or not. He has to welcome new customers, field phone calls, handle the finances, make sure the bathrooms are clean and various other duties. That dude deserves a standing ovation at the end of every day.

Then there's my friend Kelli, pregnant with her third child while homeschooling two others. She and her husband had to move an entire household all while she was on bedrest. Yes, she deserves a standing ovation. There are friends juggling their own households while taking care of aging parents and some who are even sick themselves while trying to keep it all afloat.

Every single one of them deserves a round of applause, a bouquet of flowers placed in their arms and people standing on their feet to acknowledge how they have poured out every bit of themselves this week. 

Sadly, many of us will go about our daily duties without so much as a thank you. Many of us go about our life's work with little appreciation or thanks. But know that you are seen. Your works don't go unnoticed. Your children appreciate your effort and love even when they don't act like it. And of course, God knows and sees. 

So count this post as your standing ovation. If you know of someone who may need a pat on the back, hug or a round of applause give it to them. You never know how that will cheer them on and keep them going.

october 2014: currently

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Enjoying: The Project Life App. I've always wanted to do project life, however with three kids and a job outside the home, time isn't on my side to scrapbook. With all the photos on my phone, it's easy to create a page. Once I get enough for an album, I plan to print them up and put them a scrapbook album. (Thanks to my friend Rachelle for this tip!) I've noticed how much the kids enjoy flipping through my old photo albums so I know they'll enjoy these. 

(Feed and email readers: click here if the above image doesn't show up).

Doing: the Lifeway's Kids Bible Studies for Life as our evening family Bible study. Surprised how much the kids love it. A few nights I skipped it because I was so tired and the boys were disappointed. We'll be keeping this one up. 

Feeling: A bit sore but exhilarated. I'm on day 11 of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I've been sick of gaining weight and ill-fitting clothes for too long now so I finally decided to do something about it. I'm on level 2 of her workout and boy is it a doozy. I took my measurements at the beginning and don't see much of a change. I plan to compare my measurements and weight at the end of the 30 days. One thing I do notice is that my pants aren't so painfully uncomfortable around my belly now. 

Reading...:  or just read Steve Jobs Best Productivity Tips.

Wanting: the iPhone 6. 'Nuff said. 

Listening to: Steffany Gretzinger's The Undoing non-stop. And Danny Gokey's Hope In Front Of Me is my new favorite song. Seriously inspiring and so is his back story. 

Watching: KevOnStage's YouTube channel. He shares some pretty funny stuff. Clean and Christian.

I Don't Want to be That Mom Who Stands on the Sidelines

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Aging is a crazy thing. Lately, I've been finding myself saying, "I don't do that anymore" to a myriad of things like: riding roller coasters, wearing shorts & bathing suits, and other ridiculous things.

Yesterday, we spent the day at Newport Beach. I usually wear a casual summer dress or a tank top and capri-like pants...but I stepped out of my fear box and wore a bathing suit (one that I've had for years with the tags still on it). And tried my hand at boogie boarding. I had set up in my mind that I was too old, too pudgy, too (fill in the blank) to do such things. I'm trying to figure out when I put myself in a box. I guess that doesn't matter much. What's most important is that I work on getting out.

I never really thought I'd be like this at my age. When I was younger, I was more apt to take risks and just do things afraid. I was the girl who went to college clear across the country, then packed up my bags and moved to Los Angeles. The girl who would attend movie premieres alone without fear or insecurity. The girl who would jump in her car and drive until I got lost and then explore the city (and this all without GPS).

Somewhere along the way I fell into this mommy mode. I found myself sitting on the sidelines watching my kids do things and rooting them on instead of participating. Yesterday, was a good example for me that age and mommyhood and a bigger waistline don't have to make me feel like I'm just relegated to the sidelines. No, I'm not a size 6 anymore and no I don't have the desire to ride the scariest roller coasters all day, but that doesn't mean every falls into the  "I can't category." It felt good to put on my I-will-try-it hat. My kids weren't concerned that their mom didn't look like a supermodel. Instead, they'll remember me running along the beach with them, throwing a frisbee and just being involved with them. 

Maybe you have put yourself (or parts of yourself) in an altogether different box. Perhaps you're in a geographic box or a financial box or a cultural box. It's never to let to break out....even if it's a small step like getting on that boogie board and at least trying. 

 

september 2014: currently

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sixyearsold

Loving: Solo conversations with this guy. Six years old and such wisdom and wit in such a little package. Saturday night in the elevator at church, I looked up and got a glimpse of him as a teenager. He tells me he's not a baby but he's going to always be my baby. {Email and feed readers click here if you can't see photo above]

Enjoying: Our current SoCal heat wave. It is currently 93 degrees as I type this at 12:09 p.m. I know everyone is ready for fall but summer attire is my favorite. So not ready to put away the sandals and sundresses.

Feeling: Nervous about andenoid/tonsil surgery six year old has to have over Thanksgiving break. For a few years now, we have noticed he always sounds very congested. Got him tested for allergies. All clear. Last year his adenoids got checked and they are too big. Medicine hasn't done much to shrink them. A new check up reveled his tonsils are enlarged as well. Whenever I get anxious, I pray for the doctor who is doing the surgery and that God will cover our son.

Reading...:  HomeFront Magazine: A spiritual parenting resource. Stumbled across this magazine recently and fell in love. Great ideas for sharing the Word of God with kids. I read the first copy I got cover to cover. Very inspiring and informative.

Wanting: To take a road trip home to Northern California. It's been a while since I've driven up with the kids. My mother reminds me weekly that she misses her grandkids. Not feeling a six hour drive with all three, but then again, it's not a six hour plane ride so...there's that.

Listening to: Kierra Sheard's Graceland. I LOVE this album and so do the kids. I mentioned that feeding them good music is a priority and this one delivers. I've recently had to draw the line on some music for them. It's good that I could provide an alternative that doesn't make them miss what was denied. Repin My God is their favorite song.

Watching: The Biggest Loser. Six Little McGhees (yes! we are still cable-less). And Teen Mom 2 (my guilty pleasure). I have a post in my drafts folder about life without cable after more than a year. I need to finish that up.

What's new with you?

august 2014 :: currently

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I drive. She reads.

I drive. She reads.

Loving: This 4-in-1 dress I got on clearance at Gap. Just realized I could wear it four ways I thought it could only be worn as a maxi dress and maxi skirt. Got it in blue stripes and gray. Looking forward to seeing how it looks as a midi dress and mini dress.

Enjoying: Alejandra.tv, an organizing guru that I found on Roku's Home channel. She has lots of organizing tips that I'll be incorporating into my world.

Feeling: Relieved that I found a way to get baby girl to sleep. She'd been screaming and crying at bedtime. When my oldest was a baby I got exasperated one day and plopped him in the crib and turned on a Josh Groban CD to calm myself down. Instantly, he got quiet and eventually fell asleep.Turned it on for baby girl the other night, she cried for maybe 10 minutes and then laid herself down. Sweet sleep. Going to make a bedtime playlist for her to shake things up and hopefully keep her from bedtime meltdowns. Sing Over Me: Worship Songs and Lullabies is one of my personal faves.

Still Reading...: The Walk of the Spirit; The Walk of Power: The Vital Role of Praying in Tongues. Sometimes real life gets in the way of book reading.

Wanting: The Canon Powershot S100. My iPhone is so full that I want a small camera to carry around. This one is perfect. Also in need of a new wallet since my last one got lost. This kate spade would be a nice replacement for the small, temp one I'm using now.

Listening to: Louie Giglio's Goliath Must Fall series. (Hands down, one of my favorites preachers). So far the series also includes Fear Must Fall, Rejection Must Fall and Comfort Must Fall.

Watching: 5 Minute Fridays with Pastor Kelley Steele. I've always enjoyed the ministry of her husband Pastor Reginald Steele of Kingdom in the Valley Christian Church. Such a treat to get an encouraging mini message from her on YouTube every Friday.

What's up in your world?

Praying the Write Way: A Look At My Prayer Notebook

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About six years ago I started a prayer notebook. It started out of sheer desperation really: too many prayers to keep in my heart so I poured them out on paper. 

Quite a few years ago, I'd taken a class at church where the instructor had us write prayers to God. I'd never been taught that and found the exercise to be a powerful expression of prayer.

first prayer notebook

Back to my first prayer notebook, It was a combination of scriptures turned prayer, chapters of the Bible written out, lyrics from songs whose words were like prayer to me, answers to prayer and little snippets of prayer encouragement to name a few. 

It was a simple Mead composition notebook that I toted everywhere. It's seen better days. One thing I didn't like about it was that it was bound so when one section filled up, there was no way to insert more pages.

When I made my DIY planner and discovered discbound notebooks, I decided to transfer the prayer notebook to that system. It's been lovely to have sections that can be added to.

prayer notebook

I created sections for:

Praise: More than prayer, it's a section to praise God for who He is.

Myself: Mainly declarations, lots of prayer requests and scriptures turned into personal prayers.

Husband: self-explanatory.

Kids: There's a general prayer page for all three kids. But each one of my kids also has their own page(s) so I can focus on prayer specific to their individual needs.

Fam+: Includes extended family and friends. I am always saying I'm going to pray for someone. This section helps me not to forget.

Misc: Church, pastor and whatever else doesn't fall into the above sections.

There's also an unmarked tab where I keep articles on prayer and encouragement to pray. 

I used scrapbook paper to make dividers and printed out labels for each section to put on the Post-It tabs.

This notebook helps me to stay organized in prayer more than anything. There's no schedule for who gets prayed for on a certain day, it's just more of a place to jot down requests and answers. Some prayers have been noted on paper for a long time with no answer yet...but seeing it on paper reminds me to keep on praying.