The Two Fastest Years of My Life

After giving birth to two boys, I'd pretty much settled into the fact that being a boy mom was my destiny. Then, two years ago today at 8:15 a.m. Life turned pretty in pink with the addition of this little girl. 

She's everything I thought our little girl would be: girly, a little shy, adventurous and very funny. And she's everything I never thought she'd be: stubborn, fearless, super sensitive and a tad bossy. 

Before she arrived on the scene, I thought our life was complete with my stepdaughter and the boys. Clearly I'd put a period where God intended a comma. Now I can't even remember what life was like before her. She was the surprise that grew me in ways I never imagined.

Most days she leaves me wishing I'd had her in my younger years rather than my Sarah years. She's forever into something that I'd never imaged...like pushing a chair up to the stove to snag a freshly baked muffin or slathering coconut oil all over herself. It really seems like just a few months ago, I was a sleep-deprived mother of a newborn girl. Now, I've got a little person who is trying to rule the school with her opinions and demands.

In two short years, her personality has come full bloom. She's headstrong yet nurturing. A smart, quick learner who loves books, music, dancing and Doc McStuffins. So looking forward to the rest of my life with this little girl and helping her to be the best she can be in life. Happy birthday girlie! We love you so very much.

When Raising Kids Feels Like a Boot Camp

Me and my three

Some days being a mother feels more like I'm a drill sergeant. 

"Did you put your dirty clothes in the hamper?"

"Wash your hands."

"Clean your ears."

"Be kind."

"Don't lie."

Repeat. Again and again. 

Being responsible for three kids is scary. Sometimes I think about all that I need to instill in them before they leave the nest and I get overwhelmed and a bit stressed out.

Raising kids is more than just making sure they're fed, clothed and sent off to school.

There's spiritual training, ensuring their hearts are seasoned with God's grace, making sure they have the hygiene thing down, equipping them to make good financial choices, giving them an understanding of their duty to God and society, helping them to think for themselves and keep themselves safe and the list goes on and on.

Rearing one child is more than a full-time job. Throw a couple more in the equation and the task seems daunting and near impossible. I think of my grandmothers on both sides who each had six kids. That's a lot of training. For the most part, both sets of grandparents did a good job. They produced my parents and aunts and uncles who went on to become business owners, college graduates and positive, contributing members of society. But then there was the teen mom, the convict, the drug addict, the adulterer. Makes me wonder where the misstep was on their part. Will I make similar mistakes with similar results?

Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. We wouldn't be told to train them if it was an impossible task.

Train comes from the Hebrew verb which means:

to "to put something into the mouth"

"to give to be tasted."

When I read these definition, I first think of horses who need bridles to be told where to go--often our children need the same thing. Not a physical bridle of course (although wouldn't that be nice at times?) but training that includes boundaries and clear guidelines. Training children is rigorous work sometimes...especially during the toddler years when their will starts to take form. As we train them, we "feed" them instruction in small bits as they can digest  it otherwise none of it will be "kept down."

It's obvious that training on all levels starts early.  As soon as the first teeth come in, we start teaching proper hygiene by showing our babies how to brush their teeth. We teach them about the dangers of things that are hot or could put them in danger. Sometimes my almost 2 year old fights me so hard on the tooth brushing that I want to just say forget it. But I know I can't for her personal health. She needs to know that this is necessary.

But isn't that often what parents do? We forego the training when kids butt heads with us. How many times have we seen parents who don't take their kids to church or teach them about God because they want the child to be able to make that choice once their older. More often than not, a choice will not be made because spiritual training was not instilled in them.

Or what about the parent who dismisses a lying spirit because "kids are kids and lying is what they do." That's a lie right there. As humans, we are prone to sin (lying included) but it's not something to be left untended to. I remember hearing a sermon where the minster said if lying is not nipped in the bud in childhood, it soon becomes a second language. Children will learn to lie without blinking an eye. What a scary thought that we can train them in ways like that as well out of neglect.

Train up a child in the way he should go.

If you have more than one kid, you already know you can't take a cookie cutter approach to parenting because no two children are alike. My oldest is structured and rule-oriented. My second son is care-free and lives life outside of the lines. My daughter, though only 2, is already very sensitive.

We are to take into account the temperament, character and natural inclination of that child when parenting them. Training up a child with their idiosyncracies in mind  = an adult that won't stray far from what was instilled in them early on.

As I raise these three little people, I'm leaning hard on God's grace and trusting that what is being poured in is laying a good solid foundation.

Wishing all moms and mother figures a wonderful Mother's Day. My mother always reminds me that training kids is dirty, hard work in the beginning but the fruit of the training is beautiful and sweet!

Young Love: My Kindergartner's 1st Crush

What do you do when your son has found the love of his life--and he's six years old?

My middle child is barely halfway through kindergarten, just lost his first tooth, but has already fallen hard and fast for P., a girl in his class. I noticed that he talked about her a lot. And every time I asked him about his friends at school, her name always came up.

A few months back he informed us that he asked her to marry him...and she said yes.

Insert gasping and fainting here.

My little kindergartner's recent drawing of he and classmate P.

Shortly after that he asked me how much houses cost. When I told him, his eyes got big. "I'm going to have to tell P. because we are going to have to get jobs and save our money." I thought his love would fade into the sunset, but it's only grown stronger and the marriage and future questions have grown more frequent.

"When P. grows a baby do I have to cut the cord?"

And the when-I-grow-up scenarios are non-stop.

While helping me grate cheese for dinner he says: "I'm going to have to learn to make a cheese sandwich for P."

"When I'm grown, I'm going to learn to drive so I can take P. to visit Grandma."

"When I'm a grown man, I'm going to buy a motorcycle so my kids won't ask to listen to their songs in the car. And there's only going to be room for P. to ride on the back."

I told him by the time he grows up, he'll have liked a dozen girls and probably find someone else to marry. He seemed offended by this thought. No way, it's P. or no one.

I read that 5 is the age when romantic love first arrives and it's a very real feeling. There's all kinds of research behind it--so that put my mind at ease..a little bit. It's weird to see him light up when he talks about her.

Today when I picked him up from school we saw P. and her father leaving campus. I glanced in the rear-view mirror at my son and he was gazing at her with dreamy eyes and a smile on his face until she was out of view. Oh, the sweetness of the first crush!

He's only six but soon he will be 16 years old and then 26 years old.  I realize that the groundwork is already being laid for his future relationships. I often wonder if I'm teaching him well. When he grows up, will he be the kind of man and husband that I'm proud to say I raised? Will his future wife thank me for a job well done? I sure do hope so.

In the meantime, I pray for him. That he will stand firm and solid in his responsibilities as a man. I also pray for his future wife. I pray that she is being nurtured in a good home. That her heart is being guarded and that she is not scarred physically or emotionally. I find myself pointing out good examples of what a man and husband should do. I want him to know that love is not just a feeling. Love is a commitment and a choice. 

Today, he said he and P. were having a private conversation under the slide at recess when a girl came over teasing them, "kiss each other." Instead of giving into peer pressure my son said, "no, we're going to save that for when we are grown up and married." Made me proud.

My prayer is that my little boy learns:

Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.

It does not demand its own way.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

What 10 Looks Like

10 years ago today at 8:15 a.m. this kid made me a mother for the first time

Delivering him was hard. But even harder was the realization that I was taking this little baby home with no instruction manual.

How could I possibly be equipped to be responsible for such a little life?

It's been 10 years of trial and error.

10 years of crying and praying.

10 years of calling my mother for advice.

10 years of firsts and celebrations and triumphs.

10 years of hoping that I'm getting it right.

Sometimes I don't. But most times I do, and that's only by God's grace.

10 is a hard age. It sits at the intersection of childhood and independence.

10 looks like me standing back and watching as he happily runs off alone to his class after drop offs at school. He no longer wants me to walk him.

10 looks like hours with his nose buried in book.

10 looks like headphones on enjoying his own world.

10 looks like understanding more how the world works and answering real life questions.

10 looks like teaching him to be his own person.

10 looks like taking out the trash but still having to be reminded to do so. 

10 looks like letting go more than holding on.

These past 10 years have flown by. Ten more and he'll be an adult.

But for right now I'll cherish these last few days of childhood with my first born.

Happy birthday!