Re-Meeting My Younger Self & Stumbling On Old Journals

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Last week, baby girl went through a drawer and pulled out all of my journals. As I went to put them back, I realized these books contained the story of my life dating back to high school. And I hadn't cracked them open in years. I did have some diaries from elementary school but I remember discovering them and tearing them up because I felt like what I was sharing was so foolish. I vowed to never do that again.

My love for journaling was sparked by the main character in the book Harriet the Spy. After I got hooked, journaling became a way to cope with life and capture it.

After stumbling upon those old journals, I spent the next few days (and late nights) flipping through the pages  because I just couldn't put some of them down. It felt like I was getting re-acquainted with an old friend. I laughed, hooray-ed, got misty-eyed and angry as I read through years past. And it was crazy how what I thought I remembered about some experiences was nothing like what I recorded in my journal. I went through my highs and lows. My hopes and fears. My crushes and heartbreaks and my eventual falling in love with my husband and birth of my first born. 

On one hand, it was pretty disheartening reading through those old journals because I've realized that though the years have changed, there are some things I'm still struggling with--namely fear. But it was also encouraging because there are many things--some fears included--that I've conquered.

Baby girl pulled out these journals but is too young to understand what's written in them. But what about the day when she does understand? I often wonder what my kids will think of me when reading through them.

A loser? Low self-esteem? A champion? Courageous? Ambitious?

Probably all of the above.

Just thinking about it now makes me scared. See, there goes that fear issue again. *Sigh* A part of me wants to leave them behind for them. A greater part wants to burn them all.

I'm still stumped on what to do...

One thing I am sure of is I want to get back in the groove of journaling. Spilling out what's inside has always proven therapeutic for me. And these days, I could use some self-therapy. 

In the meantime, I'll just tuck my younger self away until next time.

Don't Walk in Mommy's Shoes

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Don't Walk in Mommy's Shoes

Last night baby girl slipped her little feet into the shoes I'd just kicked off.  

I was tickled.  

And a little scared at the same time.  

Raising a girl is different than raising boys. I find myself holding her tighter and guarding her more. Like any mother, I'm protective (and more often than not--over-protective.)

I've walked in my shoes for more decades than I care to admit. And I've had my share of pain, heartbreak and disappointment. I've not spoken up when I should have. I've let opportunities pass me by that I should have grabbed. I don't want any of that for her.

Of course, this is all a part of living. But I pray for

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God is Concerned About Every Need. Yes, Even That One

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God is Concerned About Every Need. Yes, Even That One

Right now I've got a laundry list of things I need. 

Sleep

Time

Personal space

Money

The list grows.  

As I got anxious about my needs. This verse quietly looped in my head.  "But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Not some, but all that I need. I grew up thinking that this verse just pointed to our basic necessities such a food and shelter. I've come to realize that God is concerned about every little thing that concerns us. And when He supplies He fills up till it's full. I think of my own kids and how I supply their basic needs but as a loving parent, I also tend to those needs in a way that's personal to them. I know that meatloaf doesn't agree with the six year old, so while making dinner, I provide something that works for him. I know that my oldest likes certain treats so I make certain to put those in the cart when grocery shopping. Even the baby at 18 months old has certain tastes and preferences that I take note of.

In the same way, God in His loving kindness supplies my needs so that I can go about the business of my...

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The Family Field Trip

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The Family Field Trip

This past weekend we took a family field trip as part of an assignment for our 10 year old's class. What I thought would be a chore actually turned out to be fun.

For his assignment, he chose to visit a mission. He initially chose a mission in San Luis Obispo, but it was too far for a day trip so he opted for The Mission San Gabriel Arcangel. 

The mission was founded in 1771 as the fourth of what would become 21 Spanish missions in California. The grounds included a museum, gift shop, cemetery, and an elementary and high school.

With so much to take in, it was hard to be bored. We'd forgotten how much rich history lies in California.  

It was nice to go somewhere we we weren't being consumers. Instead of dishing out money, we were taking in some knowledge. It was such a wonderful day that we have decided...

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Pick a Pinterest Project: Jewelry Storage (BEFORE PICS)

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Pick a Pinterest Project: Jewelry Storage (BEFORE PICS)

For my first project I'm going to tackle my jewelry storage. What I have going on now is dreadful. I have a small jewelry armoire that I detest and most of the time, I wear the same pieces over because what's in there is a tangled mess. I dump stuff in a decorative bowl on the dresser or in a small dresser drawer. Here's my "system" for lack of a better word....

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one word 365 :: Fulfill

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one word 365 :: Fulfill

New Year's Resolutions always seem so daunting to me.

But focusing on one word. That's doable.

The other night as I was drifting off to sleep the word fulfill came to me and stuck.

I'm looking for God to fulfill some promises in my life. And I certainly have some things I need to fulfill for Him in my life.

I used to think that my story had to have a happy ending tied up with a pretty bow before God's promises could be fulfilled. But I've realized that God fulfills promises right in the midst in the messiest parts of our lives.

I think of Mary and Joseph. She was 9 months pregnant riding on a donkey (how uncomfortable that must have been). No room to deliver her baby. So they her sent to a stinky stable among loud animals and stiff bales of hay. No place to deliver a baby much less the King of the World. But God did just that. He delivered His promised Son right in the middle of a mess.

Imagine being Joseph: engaged to a woman who comes up pregnant...

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Pick a Pinterest Project - Let's Do This!

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Pick a Pinterest Project - Let's Do This!

I jumped on the Pinterest bandwagon soon after it launched. So it's safe to say that I'm a Pinterest junkie as you can see. As I pinned my heart away the other night, I stopped to think about how many of these great ideas I've actually put into action. With the exception of recipes, sadly, not many. 

So I've giving myself a challenge--the Pick a Pinterest Project--to finish one Pinterest-inspired project a month. 

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For the Love of Blogs

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I fell in love with blogging when I started my first blog, The NON-Superwoman Chronicles, in 2005. Most of the blogs I read were people who also loved blogging for the sake of blogging.

These days, the blog world has changed. The focus now seems to be on status, monetizing and increasing readership numbers. I'm not here for all that. So last week I did some spring cleaning in my feed reader. I deleted the blogs that were review heavy, focused on giveaways or that made me click through to their website.  I realized I only want to read blogs by people who truly want to share what's on their heart and who are not so concerned about analytics and popularity

While I have literally hundreds of blogs in my reader, I thought I'd share a few of my favorites. Most of them may not be well-known, but maybe they'll become one of your favorites too:

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Out of Season Surprise

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Out of Season Surprise

Today (which is December 21 as I write this)  marks the first day of winter. It was a chilly day for us here in Southern California and I just couldn't seem to warm up. 

While the the boys were taking their Jiu-Jitsu class at my husband's gym, I strolled with baby girl to Rite Aid because I forgot her snacks at home during the rush to get out of the house. On the way back, I looked up and saw this tree and stopped.

A blooming tree on the first day of winter? 

How in the world did I miss this on the walk up?

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