Born In the Middle...And Born To Shine

The summer before kindergarten

Tomorrow this little guy will be a kindergartner. 

I can tell he's excited...and very nervous. 

I'd sort of discounted the nervous part because we've done this before. We'll, I've done this before...with my oldest son. But that's not the same thing.  Then it hit me, how middle kids get lost in the shuffle of been-there-done-that or this-is-the-last-time-I'll-be-doing-this so let me make it special for the youngest. Oldest children get all the awards while the baby of the family gets all the love. What's left for the middle child?

We don't want to do that to him. 

So I'm answering every question with great attention. 

Giving weight to his every single one of his concerns.

The other day he asked, "Will everyone know I'm the little brother?" 

I surely don't want him to get labeled younger brother or middle child. I want his light to shine big and bright. Never do I want his light to be diminished because he's standing in his big brother's shadow.

I told him I'm sure some will students will know who his older brother is. 

"What matters is that you are the best you that you can be," I told him. 

As a younger brother, I know he finds security in seeking approval and guidance from his big brother who's already been there and navigated what can look like scary waters to a five year old.

He's got his own path to ignite.  He has a light in him that cannot and won't be dimmed....not on my watch. He needs to know that he can shine individually.

And I plan to fan his flame as best I can.

How We Cut Cable Without Cutting Our Happiness

For the past year, I’d been contemplating cutting cable. DirecTV is expensive, even after downgrading to the lowest package and only having it on one TV. That alone is more than $50 a month. I was also frustrated that we only watched a handful of channels and many of those repeated the same shows. The boys spent a lot of time watching Netflix even when cable was available.

Earlier this year, I got the Roku HD  with some credit card rewards I had. I wanted to test out what was offered in the streaming world.  We loved it. However, the boys threw a bit of a fit when they found out Cartoon Network was going to be cut when cable got booted but we found a work-around. (More on that later.)

I am a TV junkie. But I’ve been able to keep up with all of my shows with the exception of the OWN Network. Now that I'm past the withdrawal stage I am living nicely without it. 

Here’s our current set up.

Roku

We have two Roku boxes. A Roku HD in the bedroom and the Roku 2XD hooked up to our Vizio HDTV in the den.

A few of our Roku channels

We currently have Netflix and Hulu Plus subscriptions. I like Hulu Plus because it runs a lot of network shows like Scandal and Nashville which air on ABC. Because I can’t always watch them live, I use Hulu Plus like I would a DVR and watch them later. I also added some private channels to the Roku to add more content such as Nowhere TV which streams our local news (helpful for the bedroom TV which has no antenna) and PLEX, which features A&E, HGTV and ABC Family among others. I added the Twonky Beam app to my iPhone which lets us watch YouTube videos on the Roku via the Twonky channel. And the boys love playing Angry Birds on the Roku 2XD on the big screen.

What I like about the Roku is that it has an iPhone app remote so when the boys or the baby misplace the replace Roku remote, all is not lost.

Local TV

I bought a $25 antenna from Radio Shack for the HDTV in the den. Our TV, like most late model HDTVs has a built-in tuner so as soon as the antenna was hooked up, I scanned for channels and was surprised at how many over the air (OTA) channels there are and many are in HD. I checked the Digital TV map to see what kind of coverage I would get before buying the antenna. My mother asked how much I was paying for these channels. I had to chuckle. How quickly we forget that OTA channels have always been free. And there are a lot of good shows on network TV.

Apple TV

I received an Apple TV as a birthday gift in July and it’s now the family gift. We all use it as its in the den. It features the standards like Hulu Plus, Netflix & YouTube. They recently added Disney, Smithsonian and Vevo.

Hands down, our favorite feature is AirPlay. AirPlay lets you wirelessly stream music, videos, pictures, AirPlay compatible apps and web video on your iPhone or iPad to the HDTV and speakers via Apple TV. Or you can mirror exactly what’s on the iPhone/iPad display to the big screen. The boys downloaded the Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network apps to their iPhone and can watch their favorite shows. I also use AirPlay to watch CNN. (All of these apps are AirPlay compatible) I have to admit that this is where we cheat. We use my mother or sister’s cable subscription log-in information to sign in and watch full episodes with these apps. (with their permission of course).

MacBook Pro

I have a MacBook that I bought back in 2009. While it doesn’t have AirPlay built in like the latest models, I still use it a lot to watch many of my shows. I use a Mini Display Port DVI adapter to connect it to the HDTV (a separate cord is needed for audio for older model MacBooks like mine) and watch shows from websites that show full episodes such as VH1, MTV and TVOne. (There are adapters for PCs as well.) I also use the Rowmote app on my iPhone to control the MacBook from the couch. 

The Safari browser on my MacBook has a cool plug-in called ClickToPlugin that lets me send website videos via AirPlay to Apple TV. I watch a lot of shows on  www.AllShowsDaily.com this way. The selection of shows is great but some videos are not compatible and just won't work.

I just got hip to Google Chromecast which looks like it will replace me having to hook up my MacBook up to the TV.

Wii/3DS

The boys watch Netflix, YouTube (mainly Favorites they've saved) and Hulu Plus on the Wii in their bedroom occassionally. They can usually be found watching Netflix on their 3DS when they aren't playing a video game on it.   

So that’s how we are living without cable. It’s been an adjustment but with a little research & some tweaking, we don’t miss it one bit.

Daddies, Be Good To Your Daughers

Chrysta and Christopher. 

I love the relationship that is developing between these two. She's so different with him than she is with me. She's daddy's little girl.

Already I'm seeing so much of him in her. Her persistence. Her fight. Her sense of humor. Her intelligence. I pray that what is developing between them grows bigger and brighter. Most importantly, I hope there is never a breach in their relationship. 

I know all too well the daddy-daughter breach. I had one with my dad. I wrote about it here.  And while God mended what was broken, I know there was some internal damage I suffered because of it. I never want that for this little girl. 

In her book, After Forever Ends Melodie Ramone wrote “I had a daddy, didn't I? He wasn't perfect and he certainly wasn't the one I'd dreamed he would have been, but I had one all the same. And I'd love him as much as I'd hated him, hadn't I? All that distance, all that time wasted, but the fact that he'd inspired such passion in me meant something in itself. I can honestly say now that I think that's special. Screwed up and turned inside out, we were special him and me, and I am so thankful that I can say that I had a daddy and that he mattered. All his faults and failures mean nothing to me now.” 

I could have written that paragraph. As imperfect as my daddy was, his mess-ups mean nothing now. However, his love meant (and still means) everything to me. Love truly covers a multitude of sins.

Girls need their daddies...and more than most women care to admit. It's from our daddies that we learn how to appreciate our beauty (inside & out) without throwing it in people's faces because beauty has already been affirmed by our daddies. With daddies we learn to navigate the mysterious waters of masculinity. Girls draw conclusions about what men are like from their fathers.  It's with daddies that we learn that self worth comes from being ourselves instead of what we can offer. It's from our daddies that us daughters learn what protection looks and feels like.    

My husband is by no means a perfect man. But I know that his love for our daughter will always be perfect and I pray that she knows this...and learns to rest in this truth.

"So fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do."

-from John Mayer's song "Daughters" 

Parenting is Not For Punks...Or the Selfish

You never realize how much you love your children until you have to sacrifice for them. Parenting is not for punks...or the selfish.

We sacrifice those pair of shoes because the little people need shoes and uniforms and the list goes on. 

We give up that girls night out because a child is sick. 

Or cut back on some splurges because of tuition and daycare costs. 

That's the situation we found ourselves in last week. Life with 3 kids living in Southern California is expensive. Two kids in private school and a baby in daycare adds up. So we were faced with a hard choice: pulling the boys out of school. The decision made my husband and I sick to our stomachs. The nine-year-old LOVES school. We love the school. The environment is great and the boys have thrived there educationally and spiritually. My eldest is the kid who has cried on the last day of school every year (except for last year--miraculously). School brings him extreme joy. Needless to say, it was not any easy choice.

Picking up the phone to call his school to un-enroll them was like pulling a gray cloud over my own head. When the office assistant asked why I had to tell her we just couldn't afford it anymore with the addition of kid #3.

 "We offer tuition assistance," she said. "Would you like to apply?"

That question was like a little sliver of sunshine. 

"Yes!" 

It was a nerve wracking three days while we waited for the answer. And when the answer came, that gray cloud came back. We didn't get approved for the amount we requested. 

*Sigh* 

However, a second look at the numbers in the budget revealed that we could do it...but not without a sacrifice. Today, the boys tuition was paid and all without them knowing the angst that went along with it.

"Parenting is not for sissies. You have to sacrifice and grow up." - Jillian Michaels

Us and the little people who we joyfully sacrifice for.

It had never crossed my mind to ask about tuition assistance, but it crossed the office assistant's mind to bring it up. Sometimes God drops little surprises across our paths to remind us that He's looking out for us. 

What's Good In My 'Hood...

Three kids = busy. And about four unfinished blog posts. 

Here's a little of what we've been up to. 

Nine year old won a fish at a family fun day at the baby's daycare. Imagine my surprise when I saw him with it. That fish is his responsibility and so far he's stepped up to the plate.

Meet Gubbles.

Baby girl has been a dancing/walking machine lately.  Click the mic in the top  left corner if sound is not playing.

Daddy enrolled the boys in Jiu-Jitsu class since a guy teaches it at his gym. They love it so far.  They're learning self-defense and having fun doing it.

Baby girl caught a wicked cold and the boys were determined not to catch it. 

Baby girl didn't want to stop playing in this circus tent from IKEA so my sister did what any good aunt would do. She bought it. Now we have a big circus tent in our den. 

What's good in your 'hood? 

On Raising A Daughter In the Age of Love and Hip Hop and Basketball Wives....

This little girl of mine always has her eye on me. She watches what I do, how I speak and is starting to imitate things I do. She's studying me intently...even at 13 months old.

Already, I can feel the burden of being a good example to her.  It's a good burden, but not one I take lightly. I want to live it out in a practical way for her.  

In his book, Family First Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family : Dr. Phil McGraw says: "The most powerful role model in any child's life is the same-sex parent. It's a fact that children learn vicariously by observing the behavior of others and noting the consequences of their actions. They watch what happens to family members when they succeed or fail and those experiences become a reference for how they live. This is known as modeling."

I grew up with some great women to model myself after. Women who were awesome wives and mothers. Women who were successful in their careers. Most importantly, women who loved and LIVED Jesus Christ.

They taught me about: 

Holiness.

Purity.

Modesty. 

Biblical womanhood. 

These are not popular topics...even among today's "Christian" women. In fact, if you wholeheartedly believe in and live out these traits you'll likely be labeled legalistic or just old-fashioned. Instead of turning to the Bible as the blueprint for what it means to be a woman, many turn to television, magazines, their friends or where their heart leads them.

A lot of women today are living out womanhood according to Love and Hip Hop Atlanta or Basketball Wives or __________ insert any reality show where the women fight, cuss and are wearing the latest designer clothes while doing it. Many of these shows focus on women's lives where:

Sex and money rule.

Marriage is undervalued. 

Fighting, cussing is the norm.

Career trumps home. 

And if you've seen an episode of any of these shows, you can add your items to the list.

While the world is parading their definition of womanhood in our faces, I want to present biblical womanhood to this little girl of ours as best I can. I want her to know these things:

• According to Genesis 1, a woman was design to be a "helper" which is nothing to look down upon. Today's women look at being a helper as a second-class citizen. Even was not created above or below Adam; she was complementary. She was created from his rib (which is a strong and protective bone) and taken from his side. Adam was given a fitting companion. Eve was "just right" for him. women, we are not The Help i.e. nannies, maids or cooks, we are divinely created and gifted complements to the men we marry. Most women I know don't want to be a helper to a man. They want to be the leader, but that's not how we are created.
• The value of purity, modesty and chastity. These days if you are a virgin until marriage something must be wrong with you and "trying before you buying" is the norm.
• Submission is not a bad word and there are limits to submission (not to submit to abuse or sin).
• The value of inner beauty that lasts forever.
• How to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit. These days women have abandoned these traits in favor of being brash, argumentative and loud in an effort to be heard and not be viewed as a pushover. They're quick to jump in your face if you cross them wrong and have unteachable spirits. However, having a gentle and quiet spirit does not mean being a wimp. It means we can be confident but not forceful. Outspoken but humble. And slow to speak, communicating Scriptual truth and wisdom.

While this list is counter-cultural, I hope to instill in this little girl, who has been gifted to us, the courage to live life against the grain at times. Of course, I've got a long road ahead of me. I don't want to raise a basketball wife or a lady of love and hip-hop. I don't even want to raise a good girl. I'm shooting for raising a Godly girl. May I not just preach this to her, but be a living example as well.

"Our conduct has a direct influence on how people think about the gospel. The world doesn't judge us by our theology; the world judges us by our behavior. People don't necessarily want to know what we believe about the Bible. They want to see if what we believe makes a difference in our lives. Our actions either bring glory to God or misrepresent His truth."

--Carolyn Mahaney from the book Feminine Appeal

Tuning Out To Tune In...

"Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune."
- Carl Jung

Most mothers can attest to the fact that we are born with a sixth sense: the ability to distinguish our child's cry among a room of screaming children.

I can be in the den which is clear on the other side of the house and still hear one of the kid's whimper in their bedroom. I can wake out of the deepest sleep when I hear one of them moaning or crying. It's just how I'm built as a mother.

It never surprises the kids when I'm there as soon as they cry. They expect it. And even when they don't expect it they take comfort in knowing that even their quietest moan was heard and acknowledged.

The same with God. I shouldn't be surprised that He hears my cries for help. His ear is made for such things.

What I've discovered is that my ear for hearing God is not always so developed. I must train my ear to hear the voice of God.

Lately my "ears" have been full of Twitter, Instagram, Vine, blogs and podcasts. With all that noise it's easy for the voice of The Lord to get drowned out. Can't keep asking God to speak when I'm not listening...or when I keep burying His voice beneath a pile of others.

So I'm taking a bit of a social media fast.

Maybe for you it's not social media but the voices of others. We can be quick to look to people for guidance or just their opinion on a matter when the only thing that matters is what comes from God.

Or maybe you need to close a few books. Reading is good and beneficial but can easily become a replacement for seeking a word from The Lord.

It's so easy for our spiritual ear to get out of tune when the world sings/talks/blasts such a loud (and catchy) tune.  

So I'm turning down the volume on this world so I can hear that sweet voice of God:

"And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left."(Isaiah 30:21 NKJV)

Makes Me Happy Monday (number 5)

It's Monday. Time to work it!!

Just discovered that Starbucks has a secret menu. It's on now. The Nutella looks yummy. (In fact, there's a whole website dedicated to all things secret about Starbucks.)

Been following the blog of Sarah Danaher, a D.C.-based photographer for a few years now. She gets married this week and shared her engagement story a while back. I laughed, rejoiced with her and was close to tears. Such a sweet and God-honoring post. 

Someone learned how to give the side eye. The teenage years are gonna be a blast.

Need a visual of true love? This couple has been married for 50 years and shows its. Click the link here if the video doesn't appear below

A Little Housekeeping...

If you'd like to receive new posts from this blog in your email inbox click here. Or subscribe using a feed reader. To get the blog posts in your Facebook news feed “like” the Different Kinds of Happy page on Facebook.

For the Days When You Need A Do Over...

Ever wish you could push ctrl + alt + del on your life?

This week started off with one of those mornings where I wish I could have a do-over.

I yelled at the boys. 

We were running late. 

Then we get to the 5 year old's doctor appointment and they forgot about us. 

By the time I'd dropped kid #3 off, I felt like a disheveled mess and the only thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  On my way out of the nursery after dropping the baby off, I ran into a co-worker who wanted to chat. 

*Sigh* 

I plastered on a smile. 

 "You look great. I love those colors on you," she beamed.

I looked down at myself and realized I hadn't even looked in the full-length mirror before leaving. But I guess I'd managed to pull together something worthy of a compliment. 

We caught up for a few moments as she asked about the kids. As we parted, she said, "You always have it together."

That's when I almost wept. 

I wanted to scream, "No, I don't have it all together." 

Instead, I just politely smiled and told her I don't, but I appreciated her comment. 

"No," she insisted. "You really do always have it all together." 

She didn't know the havoc that went on that morning.

That the house was a mess. 

Laundry was left in piles to be folded. 

I yelled at the boys. 

Dirty dishes were piled in the sink. 

I had no idea what was for dinner that night. 

I'd picked out the outfit I had on from a pile of clean clothes at the foot of my bed that I didn't get a chance to hang up.

And the list goes on and on... 

At the moment, I felt like a failure because I knew that what she said about me didn't match up with my reality.

As I made my way to the office, I whispered to myself and maybe more so to God, "I'm so grateful that I don't look like what I've been through."

That's grace. 

Going through the fire and not smelling like smoke. 

Going through the water and coming out dry. 

The last few years have been hard. Some heartbreaking. One day I will share my whole story. I'm a private person by nature so sharing my every day trials is not something that comes naturally. But I'm just so thankful that the hard years haven't broken me and made me look worse for the wear. 

There are many like that...who wear what they've been through on their faces. It sits on their shoulders like an ill-fitting winter coat two tims too big.

Thank God that He takes our burdens and carries them for us. 

"Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV)