Drop the Bags: A Lesson in Ceasing from Striving

I snapped this photo of baby girl over the weekend. I had to chuckle at how she was struggling to hold that bag with her phone to her ear. Where did she learn such things?

Today, I was looking through my phone and came across this picture. And I immediately knew where she got this from. Me. Just this morning, I'd weighed myself down with multiple bags while I juggled a cup of coffee and my keys--all so I wouldn't have to make numerous trips to the car.

Needless to say, I'm embarrassed....because if this is how I look, then I need to slow down. And stop it. This is not just how I look on the outside, this is how I feel on the inside too. Burdened. Bogged down. Harried and hurried.

"Cease striving and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10a

In a season where I think I need to do more and be more, God is saying let go, drop your hands and relax. I want to argue that faith without works is dead so I must give God something to work with to keep it moving.

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation. Selah."

God is daily bearing my burden. Your burden too. Every single day, I can hand the bags over to Him instead of being a bumbling, stumbling mess. He didn't even design us to live that way. We are to walk freely in faith.

I'm thinking about a time when I desired a job before our first son was born. I applied for jobs left and right. I even applied for jobs well beneath my pay scale and outside of my experience. Even with all that, I wasn't landing a job. By the time, my son was born, I'd settled into being a stay-at-home mom. I wasn't stressed and constantly working myself up over a job.

When our son was 2, a former boss called me out of the blue and said she referred me for a job. The pay was well above what I would have ever asked for and the work was right up my alley. It came at a perfect time. I'd taken my hands off of the situation and let God put His hand on it. Only then, was He able to do something with it. The blessing literally came knocking on my door.

I'm feeling like I need to do that again. Take my hands completely off and release things into God's competent care. Sometimes instead of working and walking in faith, we simply need to wait in faith.

I grew up the oldest child of two so taking responsibility was drilled into me. It comes naturally. You step up. You watch over it. You make sure nothing bad happens. Mixing that oldest child syndrome with faith is not a good combination.

"Pile your troubles on God's shoulders. He'll carry your load; He'll help you out. He'll never let good people topple into ruin." Psalm 55:22

I'm going to list out all the troubles I need to pile on God's shoulders. Then I'm going to focus on stopping the striving and simply chilling in God.

Young Love: My Kindergartner's 1st Crush

What do you do when your son has found the love of his life--and he's six years old?

My middle child is barely halfway through kindergarten, just lost his first tooth, but has already fallen hard and fast for P., a girl in his class. I noticed that he talked about her a lot. And every time I asked him about his friends at school, her name always came up.

A few months back he informed us that he asked her to marry him...and she said yes.

Insert gasping and fainting here.

My little kindergartner's recent drawing of he and classmate P.

Shortly after that he asked me how much houses cost. When I told him, his eyes got big. "I'm going to have to tell P. because we are going to have to get jobs and save our money." I thought his love would fade into the sunset, but it's only grown stronger and the marriage and future questions have grown more frequent.

"When P. grows a baby do I have to cut the cord?"

And the when-I-grow-up scenarios are non-stop.

While helping me grate cheese for dinner he says: "I'm going to have to learn to make a cheese sandwich for P."

"When I'm grown, I'm going to learn to drive so I can take P. to visit Grandma."

"When I'm a grown man, I'm going to buy a motorcycle so my kids won't ask to listen to their songs in the car. And there's only going to be room for P. to ride on the back."

I told him by the time he grows up, he'll have liked a dozen girls and probably find someone else to marry. He seemed offended by this thought. No way, it's P. or no one.

I read that 5 is the age when romantic love first arrives and it's a very real feeling. There's all kinds of research behind it--so that put my mind at ease..a little bit. It's weird to see him light up when he talks about her.

Today when I picked him up from school we saw P. and her father leaving campus. I glanced in the rear-view mirror at my son and he was gazing at her with dreamy eyes and a smile on his face until she was out of view. Oh, the sweetness of the first crush!

He's only six but soon he will be 16 years old and then 26 years old.  I realize that the groundwork is already being laid for his future relationships. I often wonder if I'm teaching him well. When he grows up, will he be the kind of man and husband that I'm proud to say I raised? Will his future wife thank me for a job well done? I sure do hope so.

In the meantime, I pray for him. That he will stand firm and solid in his responsibilities as a man. I also pray for his future wife. I pray that she is being nurtured in a good home. That her heart is being guarded and that she is not scarred physically or emotionally. I find myself pointing out good examples of what a man and husband should do. I want him to know that love is not just a feeling. Love is a commitment and a choice. 

Today, he said he and P. were having a private conversation under the slide at recess when a girl came over teasing them, "kiss each other." Instead of giving into peer pressure my son said, "no, we're going to save that for when we are grown up and married." Made me proud.

My prayer is that my little boy learns:

Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.

It does not demand its own way.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

february :: Currently....

Loving: the relationship developing between all three of the little people I gave birth to. They have a connection outside of me that I adore. Of course, they fight and bicker, but there are moments when they are each other's champion and friend and I know it will keep them connected down through the years.

Reading: or just read this post by one of my favorite bloggers about her wedding day. So sweet how they both wanted to honor God and their personal convictions by waiting (for sex and their first kiss..virtually unheard of in this day and age). Such a refreshing read that truly made my heart happy. 

Thinking about: some major changes I need to make in my world. My life has NO margin and I feel like the walls are caving. Time to make a plan and execute it.

Listening to: Ellie Goulding's "Burn" thanks to the boys and their steady diet of Radio Disney. I find myself humming it throughout the day.

Watching: binge watching really...Parenthood. I know, I know I'm late to the game. My sister tried to tell me about the show a while back but I said I didn't need another TV addiction. My curiosity got the best of me and I watched the pilot episode. I've been hooked ever since and got my husband reeled in also. Currently in the middle of season 3 and trying to finish before the new season starts next week.

Feeling: sad about my MacBook. The power adapter died and the battery is on its last leg and needs to be replaced. Last night I just used all the juice up. Buying both is going to set me back a little. I've been working on the boys' desktop PC which makes me even more sad. 

What's current in your world? I'd love to hear all about it.

How I Cured Mommy Brain: My (semi) DIY Planner

I wish this was the post where I was doing the reveal on my Pinterest Monthly Project. However, a stomach virus knocked my flat off my feet recently so it got pushed to the back burner but it will be up soon. I did, however, manage to create another mini project for myself.

Life with three kids is driving me batty because my brain can't hold all the information required to rear them correctly. I found many things falling through the cracks with my purse full of post it notes with reminders, to dos, and bits of info. When I got my iPhone four years ago, I ditched my planner because my iPhone held everything. Lately, it just hasn't been working for me. It's so easy to snooze a To-Do list that pops up and then forget about it completely. And truth is, I'm really a pen to paper girl at heart.

I was all set to make my own planner and have it bound at Fe.dEx K.inkos because the store-bought planners didn't have what I needed. But I wasted all the printer ink when I printed the calendar pages for my planner wrong. Boo-hoo! Had to set Plan B in motion. I did a Google search and discovered there's a whole community of planner addicts out there. Let's just say I'm officially hooked now. 

I'm two weeks in and still working on customizing it to my liking, but already my brain feels lighter. I settled on the Martha Stewart Discbound Notebook (6.5 inches x 9) because the pages can be moved around easily without dealing with binding and such, the price was right at $18 and it fits perfectly in my purse. I was torn between that and the Arc customizable notebooks which come in leather and multiples colors but Martha won out because it had a built in elastic closure and seems like it will survive the scratches it will endure being in my purse.

Because I had no printer ink and couldn't remember the model of my printer while at S.taples, I went ahead and bought the calendar inserts. I love the two page monthly and weekly views. They are working out nicely and include enough room for everyone's schedules. The discbound punch cost a whopping $43 at S.taples so I ordered a $20 one (free shipping) from Levenger. This way I can print and punch pages I have printed which is working out quite nicely. (See how easily the pages pop out once punched?)

So far I have sections for Calendar, Bills, Meal Planning, Goals, Projects and Prayer. I already see that I'm going to add a few more sections I went ahead and bought the larger disc because I knew I'd have many pages--so glad I did.

So now every single thing gets written in my planner: school projects for the boys, every single school event, who eats in the cafeteria on what days, errands to run, everyone's appointments, ideas for blog posts...if it crosses my mind, it now gets written down.

And being the stationery addict that I am, I'm already looking to upgrade to a Filofax or a kikki-K.

Of course, I still use my iPhone for appointments and Siri reminds me of lots of things but my planner is my new go-to for to-dos.

How do you stay organized?

Rethinking the Well-Behaved Child

A couple weeks back was parent-teacher conferences for baby girl's daycare.

Her report was glowing: obedient, well-behaved, follows instructions, knows to how to stick up for herself and use the word no.

With the exception of the last two, the rest leave me concerned.

obedient

well-behaved

follows instructions

They all made me think of the following quote:

Her report reminded me of myself as child.

I was a compliant child who did what was asked. I rarely spoke up and secretly marveled at (and envied) kids who voiced their opinions and dislikes. It took me decades before I learned to be vocal about where I stood and more often than not, I still am not as outspoken as I'd like to be. And I still think I follow the rules too much.

That's not exactly the path I want my girl (or my boys) to take now. Of course, when I was a new mom that's exactly what I wanted: kids who sat still and listened on command. What I got was an outspoken oldest child, a free-spirited middle child and a baby who laughs in the face of danger.

Teachers applaud the obedient child. While the raucous child who colors outside the lines is tagged for less-than-stellar behavior. Down through the years, I've noticed that it's the ones who buck the system and look for exceptions to the rules who climb the ladder and more often than not, make things happen. Or maybe it's just my skewed view that makes me see it like that.

Either way, I'm not so sure that what I want is totally obedient and compliant children.

I think of my husband: he's well-mannered but not always well-behaved, especially when crossed wrong. I kinda like that. He questions things and doesn't always accept what I think has to be accepted. Sometimes he won't take no for an answer. And other times he straight up bucks the system.

Sometimes it's disobedience that makes the difference. Not a rowdy disobedience, but respectful rebellion.  My hope is that my kids know how to navigate life wisely using obedience coupled with peaceful unruliness.

Don't get me wrong, I want kids who are well-mannered BUT who will also learn to bend the rules when necessary or make waves when it's called for. I don't want them to just accept anything but to question when appropriate. I want to raise kids who respect boundaries but will step over them if necessary for their well-being as well as others.

Were you a well-behaved, compliant child? Do you think it's served you well in life? Would love to hear your thoughts.

When Death Comes Too Soon...

This weekend I lost a friend.

Sometimes death is expected so you brace for it. And other times, it reaches in unexpectedly and snatches people you love (and your breath) away.  The latter was the case this weekend.

My co-worker-turned-friend La'Tavia lost her valiant fight against cancer.

I'd expected her to come out the champ over cancer this round since she'd previously gotten a clean bill of health before and because she was just a fighter at heart.

Having death grab someone you like and love so quickly and viciously has a tendency to leave you feeling angry which can fester into bitterness. I'm determined not to let that happen here. My time with my friend was full and fun. There were no unspoken words between us and no regrets. That's the way all of our relationships should be.

Often life gets in the way of us spending time with people we hold dear. We have errands, to-do lists, chores, jobs, bills and a laundry lists of other things that push the people we say we cherish to the back burner. And then when they're gone, we're left wishing we'd done and said more.

I have smiles and laughter-filled memories of my days with La'Tavia. Her leaving is hard but it's a reminder that connection is important. Yes, we have work and other obligations, but not at the expense of those special people in our lives. There would be weeks spread out between our visits because we'd gotten busy. Then we'd ring each other's extensions at work and say, "I know I've got a deadline, but I'm just going to drop in to see you right quick." Or we would meet up on our days off and get our eyebrows threaded. So often I'd call her for some help and she'd offer the most practical solution. She'd often joke that I needed her street smarts instead of all the book smarts I had. And then there would be days she would call saying, "I need your book smarts today." It was a friendship with the perfect balance of ying and yang. 

I will miss our impromptu chats. Her wit, humor and insight. Her presence at the boys' birthday parties & advice on raising daughters. She is forever a gem in my book.  

Life is galloping along at full speed and soon there will be no more time to keep pushing things to the back burner.

Need to call a friend? Do it! Been putting off lunch with a loved one? Reach out! I know I'm happy for all the times that I have.

"The bitterest tears shed over graves  are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." Harriet Beecher Stowe

january :: Currently....

tickled: over the fact that I'm mommy to a little girl. She is so fun. 18 months going on 18.

watching: All 24 hours of Pharrell's Happy video. The kids and I have made it to the 8pm video. Such a fun concept.

obsessing over: My blood pressure. It read high a few weeks ago for the first time ever. I have to go back for a follow up read to see if it's still high. 

thinking about: A nap. Always thinking about a nap.

reading: Praying For Your Husband From Head to Toe. It was sent to me in the mail by a dear friend. 

enjoying: our unseasonably warm SoCal winter. 

loving: the Google Chromecast my husband bought for Christmas. As a cable cutter, it's awesome for watching online shows. 

working on: making my own planner since I can't find exactly what I want. 

drinking: Water. Lots & lots of water. I'm determined not to drink my calories.

eating: too much Talenti gelato. 

feeling: somewhat organized. organized all of baby girl's has accessories, revamped the weekly cleaning schedule & started back on a menu plan.

What are you currently up to?