On Watching My Mother & the Generation Before Me Get Old...

I've reached that age where I've lived more of my life than I have left to live.

Sobering.

On Sunday, our family had its annual Mother's Day dinner (one that includes birthday celebrations for all those born in May.) My aunt who hosts the gathering at her home turned 93 and recently had a stroke. In fact, she just got out of the hospital last week. She's but a shadow of her former feisty, fun-loving self. Her gabby, talkative ways have been snatched away by the stroke (she does talk it's just incoherent). She's thin and not as mobile as she was. 

I mentioned to a cousin who is a year younger than me that it's hard watching our parents, aunts and uncles get older. Their faces show their age. Their gait has slowed. Their hair has grayed considerably. It seems like just a few short years ago, they were young and we were younger. Now they're old and we are older. I flip through family photo albums and I remember the moments captured like they were yesterday--except they're not. They're more like decades upon decades ago. Many of the people in the photos and videos we watched this weekend have passed on--my grandparents, an aunt, an uncle, a great uncle, my own father. Time is marching on and our age is marching right along with it.

This past week, my mother came down to Southern California from Northern California for a week-long visit. She's still mobile and active, yet not the Wonder Woman that she was of my youth. Watching your parents age is a hard pill to swallow.

My mother with my three little ones.

Nothing like seeing the generation before you age that makes you face your mortality.

My cousins and I are now becoming the older generation.

We will be the ones the younger family members come to for family recipes. We will be the storytellers of our history and heir-apparent of precious memories of those who have passed on. It will be our job to share what our family was like and where we came from.

No one prepares you for the passing of the mantle. It's just draped heavily on your shoulders with no explantation. You just know it's your time.

As the generation behind me comes up, I pray I wear this mantle well. I hope I share with them all the good that's been tucked into my hands like little precious jewels from those before me. 

How are you carrying on the history of your family to the next generation?

When Raising Kids Feels Like a Boot Camp

Me and my three

Some days being a mother feels more like I'm a drill sergeant. 

"Did you put your dirty clothes in the hamper?"

"Wash your hands."

"Clean your ears."

"Be kind."

"Don't lie."

Repeat. Again and again. 

Being responsible for three kids is scary. Sometimes I think about all that I need to instill in them before they leave the nest and I get overwhelmed and a bit stressed out.

Raising kids is more than just making sure they're fed, clothed and sent off to school.

There's spiritual training, ensuring their hearts are seasoned with God's grace, making sure they have the hygiene thing down, equipping them to make good financial choices, giving them an understanding of their duty to God and society, helping them to think for themselves and keep themselves safe and the list goes on and on.

Rearing one child is more than a full-time job. Throw a couple more in the equation and the task seems daunting and near impossible. I think of my grandmothers on both sides who each had six kids. That's a lot of training. For the most part, both sets of grandparents did a good job. They produced my parents and aunts and uncles who went on to become business owners, college graduates and positive, contributing members of society. But then there was the teen mom, the convict, the drug addict, the adulterer. Makes me wonder where the misstep was on their part. Will I make similar mistakes with similar results?

Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. We wouldn't be told to train them if it was an impossible task.

Train comes from the Hebrew verb which means:

to "to put something into the mouth"

"to give to be tasted."

When I read these definition, I first think of horses who need bridles to be told where to go--often our children need the same thing. Not a physical bridle of course (although wouldn't that be nice at times?) but training that includes boundaries and clear guidelines. Training children is rigorous work sometimes...especially during the toddler years when their will starts to take form. As we train them, we "feed" them instruction in small bits as they can digest  it otherwise none of it will be "kept down."

It's obvious that training on all levels starts early.  As soon as the first teeth come in, we start teaching proper hygiene by showing our babies how to brush their teeth. We teach them about the dangers of things that are hot or could put them in danger. Sometimes my almost 2 year old fights me so hard on the tooth brushing that I want to just say forget it. But I know I can't for her personal health. She needs to know that this is necessary.

But isn't that often what parents do? We forego the training when kids butt heads with us. How many times have we seen parents who don't take their kids to church or teach them about God because they want the child to be able to make that choice once their older. More often than not, a choice will not be made because spiritual training was not instilled in them.

Or what about the parent who dismisses a lying spirit because "kids are kids and lying is what they do." That's a lie right there. As humans, we are prone to sin (lying included) but it's not something to be left untended to. I remember hearing a sermon where the minster said if lying is not nipped in the bud in childhood, it soon becomes a second language. Children will learn to lie without blinking an eye. What a scary thought that we can train them in ways like that as well out of neglect.

Train up a child in the way he should go.

If you have more than one kid, you already know you can't take a cookie cutter approach to parenting because no two children are alike. My oldest is structured and rule-oriented. My second son is care-free and lives life outside of the lines. My daughter, though only 2, is already very sensitive.

We are to take into account the temperament, character and natural inclination of that child when parenting them. Training up a child with their idiosyncracies in mind  = an adult that won't stray far from what was instilled in them early on.

As I raise these three little people, I'm leaning hard on God's grace and trusting that what is being poured in is laying a good solid foundation.

Wishing all moms and mother figures a wonderful Mother's Day. My mother always reminds me that training kids is dirty, hard work in the beginning but the fruit of the training is beautiful and sweet!

The Gift List: I'll Always Love My Momma

My mom & I being silly at San Francisco's Land's End Lookout above Sutro Baths

There's nothing more frightening than getting a call that your mother is in the ER. That happened this week. The culprit: a blood clot in her leg. She's being treated and is well but it still rocked me to the core. Having lost my father nearly 5 years ago to cancer, the thought of losing my mother is downright scary.

This is not the first scare with my mother. Almost 20 years ago, she had a heart attack and the doctors worked on her until they said there was nothing more to be done. But a nurse said my mother was too young to be left for dead and urged the doctor to keep working. I'm so grateful for that nurse.

Right now I'm grateful for my mother. Grateful for the month of May that marks her birthday and brimming with gratitude for:

#31-50

31. Little boys who fall asleep to worship music.

32. And audio Bible stories.

33. Friendships that span 30 years.

34. Cousins who are like siblings.

35. Seeing my husband kiss and love on our children.

36. A church home where the gifts of the Holy Spirit flow freely. 

37. A firm foundation.

38. Facetiming with my mother every day.

39. Brownies warm out of the oven.

40. My 6-year-old telling me he's going to love me forever. 

41. Still in the book of Ruth: a reminder that famine, death & grief can be replaced with life, blessings and sweet redemption.

42. 95 degree weather.

43. "To walk in the cool of the day with You/To gaze on the beauty of all You do/To meditate on Your glorious splendor/I was made for you."

44. Little boys who kneel in prayer.

45. My kindergartner's teacher call to check on her student at home.

46. Nutella and pretzels.

47. A good night's sleep.

48. Saturday night church.

49. Friends who pray and walk along the stony road with me.

50. Sweet watermelon in season.

What are you grateful for?

april :: currently

He reads...she reads...we all read!

Loving: That all 3 kids will pick up a book without being prompted. Even when I'm making dinner, this little girl will bring a book for me to read to her. It's at those times that I'm grateful she has a big brother.

Feeling: Worn out. Last week I took vacation for the kids' spring break. But a vicious stomach virus hit us. This week my oldest is sick with it. Now I need a real vacation.

Reading: Lost & Found: Finding Hope In the Detours of Life by S*rah J*kes. Feeling some kind of way about this book. On one hand, I applaud her transparency. Then, again it seems like she shares details of her life as a teen mom at 14 and divorced by 24 for drama sake. I'm sure this book can help someone but I'm finding it lacking as far as touching my life with any lessons. I suppose I was looking for more because she's T.D. J*kes daughter.  And I'm lightweight mad that I paid $13 for the Kindle version and today it's $9.50.

Thinking about: The Pinterest monthly projects that I have yet to post to this blog. I recently cleaned out and re-organized the linen closet. I smile every time I open it.

Listening to: La La La by Naughty Boy (not by choice) 6 year old watches the video a gazillion times a day on Vevo. The kid even knows how to add videos to his playlist on Apple TV.

Watching: Chrisley Knows Best. Hands down my new favorite show. Happy to hear there's going to be a season 2.

Why I'm Watching My Words Like A Hawk

I've come face to face with the fact that I watch my children more carefully than I watch my words. 

Not a pretty fact to face.  

I watch what they eat.

I make sure they're kept out of danger's reach. 

I watch for their little souls that they aren't partaking in things that could damage them.  

Bottom line: I watch them like the momma hawk that I am.  

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Kelli asked me to join her for a challenge as an accountability partner. The task: to cut out negative talk about ourselves and if something bad is uttered to replace it with a positive.   

I failed. Miserably.

I'm ashamed at how awful my self talk is. Of course it's been there all along but who's noticing when it's just part of the routine?

Most days I felt like a grumbling, mumbling old lady griping about everything under the sun that had to do with me. Why do I excuse such behavior? If it was any one else I'd be appalled.  

It's crazy how our speech can betray us...and locate us.  

After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, "Certainly you too are one of them, for your accent betrays you." Matthew 26:73 

While Jesus was being tried, Peter tried to slip quietly into the background and act like he didn't know who Jesus was. But people knew who Peter was because of his accent. He could deny being a disciple all he wanted, but his words gave him away.  

My words give me away too.  My speech locates me every single time. Sure, I tell people: I love Jesus. I'm a believer. I have faith in the Almighty One.

But my words tell the truth. I think God is a liar.

I say the Jesus doesn't love me but He says that nothing separates me from His love.

I say nothing is working right in my life while He says all things work together for good for those who love Him. 

He says I am  fearfully and wonderfully made but I negate that truth by saying the exact opposite.

Nothing like thinking you're in one place and then you look on the GPS and see you're not where you're supposed to be. Nothing locates us like our speech.  

We quote scriptures and affirmations. Then we turn around and cuss and talk rough with people. We go to church and clean up nice but we gossip and backbite. We encourage and pray for people and then turn around and sing the latest mainstream song with lyrics that we know are not right. Our words are going to give us away no matter what we do.

No wonder the psalmist prayed: "set guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." Watching my words is really something I must get under control for I know my very life depends on it. If the universe was framed by God's spoken word, how much more is my world framed by mine. I can live in a big world or a small world based on the words I use. 

Maybe you don't have an issue with negative talk, but might there be some words you need to watch? Change your words and change your world.

A Hug and Thank You: Gratitude Continues

As a mother, I don't do things for my children because I'm looking for a thank you. I simply do it out of love. I will spend money on them for clothes and shoes before myself because I want them to look good more than they even care. I spend time meal planning and buying snacks, not because they ask but because I want their tummies to be full before they grumble. I wash clothes and make sure clean towels are ready at hand all without a second thought. In the middle of the night, I pull blankets over them that they've kicked off. I pray over them as they sleep just because of love. 

Sweet childhood memories revisited with a trip to the grocery store

The other day, my six-year-old hugged me and thanked me for the "delicious dinner" out of the blue. Unexpected thank you's from them are lovely and make my heart glad. I'm sure this is how God feels when I thank Him for little things that most take for granted.

Taking time to hug the Heavenly Father and thank Him for:

#21-30

21. Stumbling upon small Coke bottles today and remembering my grandfather who would have one for me ready after school every day.

22.  Finding myself in the book of Ruth.

23.  Books of every stage around the house opened and flipped through.

24. My 10-year-old reading scripture before bedtime.

25. #DearLostMe on repeat...

26. A 6-year-old big brother who offers to "braid" his baby sister's hair.

27. A husband who loves when I'm unloveable.

28. Sufficient grace + trading my weakness for God's strength. 

29. That stone that was rolled away.

30. Remembering Daddy 4 1/2 years later...and smiling.

3 Old School Things We All Need To Get Back To

When it's time to get in the Word, I still choose the Bible that I've had for 20 years. It's tattered, falling apart, written in and dog-eared.

I keep going back to it, despite having newer Bibles because it just works for me. I remember where scriptures are by where they are located on the page and opening it just feels like coming home and getting back to basics.

Lately, my heart has been longing for the basics. The days of yea and nay.

I've always been a sucker for sweet, simpler times.

I'm a lover of Leave It to Beaver, family dinners, wearing aprons while cooking, old school prayer meetings and altar calls where lives are instantly transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I grew up the old school way. We didn't do Daniel Fasts like today. Instead, we had three days fasts that included no food--just water, lots of prayer meetings and an evident move of God's Spirit.

We fed on the Bible, not slick sound bites from popular pastors.

I was taught that holiness touched every part of my life: my speech, relationships and decisions. There was no cussing or text messages sent filled with slang acronyms like C.TFU, L.MAO that many Christians use today without a second thought.

"Thus saith the Lord, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein." Jeremiah 6:16

We are urged to ask for the old paths. Sounds absurd doesn't it? We've got technology and innovation and ease of life. Why ask for old paths?

It's in those old paths where we find the good way AND rest for our souls.

I'm longing for the old paths so I'm committing myself to clinging closer to:

1. Absolute belief in the scriptures, not what seems or sounds right. Our hearts can lead us astray, but God's Word never does.  All scripture is God-breathed, without error and necessary. 

2. A hunger for holiness. In today's world. being a Christian is not synonymous with holiness. But we are called to be holy in ALL we do.

This means what we listen to on the radio, watch on TV, read, how we dress and think...even how we conduct ourselves when no one is around should be marked by holiness. Sounds like a tall order but we wouldn't be called to it if it weren't possible. Be ye holy, for I am holy says God

3. Teaching and fellowship around the Word of God. Church does not equal salvation but it's a hallmark of the old path because it's crucial to our walk. We need fellowship, teaching and encouragement. "Some people have gotten out of the habit of of meeting for worship, but we must not do that. We should keep on encouraging each other, especially since you know that the day of the Lord's coming is getting closer."

I want the good way. So I'm sticking with the basics. 

march :: currently

Feeling: Ready for warm spring weather. Sunny dresses and sandals are my favorite. 

Reading: Just read: The Non-Physical Sides of Sex: Why viewing sex as just a physical act is missing the big picture. Such a great article on the totality of sex and such great concepts to teach to kids when the time comes.

Thinking about: Cady Lewis, a 24-year-old woman whose young husband died from cancer Thursday (Mar. 20) after only 8 months of marriage. Their story is heartbreaking yet also inspiring and heartfelt. Recent story here and a blog chronicling their engagement, marriage and fight against the cancer here. I love that he proposed at the foot of a cross because he said he wanted their marriage to start and end there. I was also touched by the bride saying that while she was in middle school she prayed for a marriage that would honor God and touch many. I'd say her prayer came true.

Listening to: The Dave Ramsey Show daily podcast. Getting back to basics when it comes to money and budgeting. The questions are the show are awesome and he offers such practical advice. 

Watching: Alaska: The Last Frontier on Netflix. Such a fascinating look at a family living off the land and surviving brutal winters in Alaska. Thanks for Kelli for hipping me to the show.

Loving: This "Happy" video that my sister did of our family. Such a fun song and idea. And I"m still not tired of this song.

Share what's current with you. I'd love to hear.

Getting Back to Gratitude

Somewhere in SoCal

Lack of gratitude is an ugly thing.  

Have you ever done something kind for a stranger only to be left without a thank you or any acknowledgement?  It sucks. Not because you were doing the act for the thanks but because they couldn't see an act of kindness worthy of thanks. 

Lately I've been finding ingratitude seeping into my heart in ugly ways. I can't see the beauty in my own life for looking at what's shiny and beautiful in others' lives. 

Recently my oldest son has been showing signs of ungratefulness. I got fed up with reminding him of all he has and gave him an assignment: write down everything he's thankful for. The first few days took some prodding. Then he got it. He jotted down such simple things. Things that are easy to be grateful for but are often overlooked.

In an effort to combat the discontent creeping up in my life, I'm dedicating myself to getting back to gratefulness. I will be counting out gifts of grace from God to me to remind me of all that's shiny and beautiful right in my own life.

#1-20

1. Southern California sunsets
2. Little toddler arms wrapped around my neck with love
3. Morning good-bye kisses from my kindergartner at school drop-off
4. Three giggling siblings
5. Warm showers
6. Clean crisp sheets
7. Leftovers for next day's lunch
8. Daily calls from my momma
9. Sweet cards from sweet friends in the mail
10. Thanks in song from one of my favorites
11. God's written Word in my hand
12. The beauty of kate spade
13. Spring in the air
14. All my babies asleep
15. Blessed quietness
16. The Prayer Room
17. Towels fresh out of the dryer
18. Kneeling in prayer
19. "But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you."
20. Saturday night church service.